At the Trough of the Wave: Junior Year Finals Diary

5/18

I just ran today, I set a goal of reaching 200 calories but i got 198. But I wouldn’t have made it that far if I didn’t push myself to meet that goal. And looking at the result, I was satisfied because it’s not about the score that I get but the health and mental wellbeing benefits I got from doing this workout. I can see myself right now in the last few minutes of the workout, trying to get that number. Facing so many tests, I feel like my life is determined by the number that’s going to be delivered to me by college board and I cram even harder and become even more scared. It’s good to let the anxiety motivate you, but in the end though, look back at how far you’ve come, the regrets, the achievements, and the mental breakdowns. It doesn’t come down to the tests, you have already made it through so much of it. When you are at the last moment to make a difference, believe in yourself and live it the best way possible.

I’m going to try again tomorrow and get that 200. Even if it doesn’t come tomorrow I’m going to try again and again. And I’m gaining just by going through the process. Isn’t that what learning is about too? Remember what Mr. Monge said about failing this one so you can do better in the future. Let future remain as a concept that you would push yourself toward, not pull.

I’m going to leave this in draft until the next week is over. Let me try this out. see how I feel after that, just ot paralel with my experince with the work out

5/28

Hey, I’m just checking back in after the first two weeks of hell. I’m so tired, and I don’t know how I’m going to make it. I feel so drain and not even being about to write down my feelings. I’m just numb by all the practice questions and the actually tests. I’ve taken 5 of them so far and 3 more to go. I’m more than half way there, and the second half looks like it’s worse but I’ve got a lot of time to prepare for it. Last way to conquer and reach summer break!

I’m going to relax for the weekend and be ready for the last steps. Then I’ll do whatever planning necessary to get back on track.

6/16

Hello!!! Catherine on the summer break just want to tell you that everything is okay here on the other side of the wave. It gets quite boring without the studying and tears but it’s freeing, because you can sail anywhere you want to!

The freedom does come with its own challenges, though. Ever since the break started 6 days ago, my worries and thoughts have suddenly seized to exist. I find myself waking up at a very early hour without the reason behind it. I had nothing to do. Day by day, I find myself yearning for something productive to do but it was too late because I’ve lost faith in myself. I had things planned for this period, updating my blogs, planning trips, college stuff. It should be a very fun and flexible time, but with so much freedom on my hand, I was too scared to do anything. Today I went out to swim, it was really nice, especially the bubbles of the jacuzzi. I felt empowered suddenly, because I made the choice to get out of my house today and jump in the pool and it was a positive and fulfilling experience. I’ve set my intention for today to be productive and prepare for a week of adventure! I’m still on track but time is limited! don’t fall behind.

Get out of your comfort zone, jump in the pool, and believe in yourself!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s