thoughts – The Conscious Hour

Choose Yourself (a poem)

I’m choosing myself,

to step away from the responsibilities

and be selfish.

I’ve done this too many times

too scared to look at freedom

and dove back into the dark cage.

I’m tired,

but more duties to fulfill sure will force me to do things

I can only succeed and not fail.

I can’t believe how wrong I was

in the pursuit of my passion.

I offered my soul and entire self and attached it to my dreams

while it grew its own wing and flew away,

the never-ending exhaustion chasing after it,

constant losing battles.

But this time I chose myself

that I’m the dream

that I don’t have to suffer and be in pain

that I am motivated

It was never taken from me, I just refused to choose myself.

I went skateboarding in the sunset, and the greyness of the sky afterward reminded me of the emptiness I feel most of the nights. Missing numerous sunsets is the cause of my misery because I need the orange glow to keep my soul alive in the monotone darkness.

I REALLY NEED IT. I NEED TO MAKE IT A MISSION TO GO OUT AND SEE EVERY SUNSET.

I will do it! It’s how I can become better. My personal voice awakens in the sunset, and the dark thoughts get pushed into the background and I finally feel like I’m ready for life.

The Curse of Selflessness

You use

helping others

to distract you from

knowing

that you can not

help

yourself.

The Smell of Victory (a poem)

Today I won

against the lukewarm wetness

evaporated by an invisible sun.

My face, comfortably dry

and capable of standing on its own

out in the open and not hiding

under the blankets;

the arid smell of too good to be true.

The Wave

the roaring sea

lost in the turbulence of the wave

what a scary sight

from the trough of the tsunami

imminent collapse

destruction

or salvation

in arrival to the peace

on the other side

The Hole

how small the sky looks

through the opening

the light and freedom so intangible

from the darkness deep bellow

people stop by

to stare

to comment

how bad it must be

and the voices fades

as the pit gets deeper

and darker

and so alone

it takes one person

a single compassionate soul

one willing to jump into the darkness

to let the lights in again

to emphasize

Being Lost in the Moment

It’s the throbbing in my chest when I sprint out of my room to catch that last glimpse of the crimson sunset and later capturing such feelings in the muse of aimless freedom in my writing. The poetry captures my spontaneity, as a sudden beautiful flickering of the candlelight can launch me into composing a new poem and a supplemental artwork for the post.

When I listen to my heart through writing poetry, I’m no longer lost navigating the maze of societal expectations. The certainty that the beauty of the candlelight and the sunset will diminish eventually forces me to cherish it at the moment, and I want to bring my readers to the present moment, to the deep meaning of a single flicker. My goal is to share my journey to self introspection and inspire my readers by showing them the appeal of being mindful in the present and breaking free of the past and future.

The full yellow moon

the little things in life

the happiness of riding smoothly

where am I now?

what’s up ahead?

Life on A Boat

A dot on the horizon

in search of a reason

Dragged by the turbulence of waves

And pushed by the force of the winds,

To where are we being guided in the dark

By the mysterious forces of our lives?

Perhaps the truth lies before us,

it is not meant for us to know.

We learn to navigate swiftly

between the ocean and the sky

In indecipherable code in above,

In the blinking stars and the twirling clouds,

We search for a clue.

Awaiting for a sudden glimpse

into the abyss beneath

in the darkness that holds

the answers untold.

Want to talk hopes and dreams?

What am I supposed to do?

Where am I supposed to be going?

I want to stay here. Can I at least do that?

but at the end of it

I just don’t ever want to think

that “i have to become this”

Not even being able to earn a living

I’ll be okay with that as long as i’m doing the work i love

so the destination doesn’t matter in the slightest

keep doing the practice problems

and pass the exams

because it’s all that I’ve got at this point

see you guys on the other side.

Opening Statement

Hey there, looks like you’ve found your way to my blog, the Conscious Hour. I appreciate having you here very much, and I hope you can find something you like. This is a place that I’ve built for myself, to foster the connection I feel to the core of who I am, and I wish to share my thoughts and experiences with you and bring you along in my journey of self-love.

This project is a considerable commitment for me because I don’t any experience with blogging. I’m fearful of writing my blogs the wrong way and embarrassing myself. But the value outweighs the risks in my view–because I want to see the effects of doing my usual self talk in the public sphere and, perhaps, I would feel less lonely.

So, here are some ideas that I have for the blog:

Journal entries (authentic, emotionally compacted, a conversation with myself)
Book reviews (mostly philosophic)
Mental health tips (reflective, specific activities)
Sunset treatment (how to experience the best hour of the day through music, podcasts, and the view)

I think that’s going to be all for this welcome letter. I hope to see you again soon!

Catherine

Tag: thoughts